Is it just me?

Our local news station reported that the “Cash for Clunkers” program was a great success and that $2.9 billion in incentives were paid out for 700,000 clunkers.  They went on to report that the most popular cars to replace these clunkers were in order Toyota Corolla, Honda Civic, Toyota Camry, and the Ford Focus.  Wasn’t this government funded (that means you and me) incentive program devised to bolster the bankrupt besieged Big Three U.S. car manufacturers?

Is it just me or does it bother anyone else that the bulk of the cars purchased with incentive funds went to foreign car manufacturers?  How does that help the “Big Three”?  I know that many of those foreign cars are made right here in the good ole USA,  but I didn’t see them lined up with their hands out.  I doubt if Chrysler and GM would agree with the media’s take that the incentive was a huge success.  And I am inclined to agree.

Thinking out loud, RT

End of an Era

Today marks the end of an era.  No longer will I have the moniker “The Detention Dude”.  I am stepping down from a position that I have held for the past  six years: after school detention monitor.  It marks the end of a reign of terror on students and drudgery on me.  As expectations of student behavior continue to decline along with enforcement of existing policies and rules, I found it increasingly difficult to maintain a positive attitude.

I am passionate about the importance of the education profession and the role public education plays in our society.  I am also passionate about the role the family plays in a child’s behavior and education.  However, I believe this generation has forgotten this key component.     

I don’t want to beat a proverbial dead horse, but we are giving away our culture of academia and allowing it to be replaced by a culture of chaos.  It is difficult, if not impossible to enforce rules subjectively and have any sense of order.  However that seems to be the case not only with our schools, but with our society as a whole.  I digress…..

When we mistakenly try to be accepting and accommodating to every different culture and sub-culture that enters a public school’s doors, we are effectively lowering the bar.  We now tollerate behaviors and performance levels in public schools that only a generation ago would have been unheard of , let alone tolerated.   No matter what the behavior that student has the right to a free public education….no matter what the academic performance the student advances.

Hopefully I am wrong about this and removing myself from the detention crowd will provide evidence of hope.

Just call me “Plain Ole Dude”, RT.

Taser Twits (Part Duh)

If you have been with me from the beginning of this blog you may have read “Taser Twits”  a blog I posted early on.  Well, I recieved the following email recently and laughed so hard I think I pulled something as I read it.  I don’t know the author, but my thanks go out to him or her.  Enjoy: 

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….??

WAY TOO COOL!  Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.  I loaded two AAA batteries i n the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!

 I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!  Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

 Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?  There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.  I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

 So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.  The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

 All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5′ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

 What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…?

 I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her h ea d cocked to one side as to say, ‘don’t do it dipshit,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

 I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

 The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

 Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!  You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.  My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
‘If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.’

 

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did, RT.

America, here’s your sign!

This past Sunday I was greeted by this proclamation as I pulled into the church parking lot: America, Bless God!  Was this the work of a dyslexic church worker, an electrical glich or was it an act of divine genius?

I prefer to believe the later.  America, and by America I mean the USA, has long volleyed the call of God bless America in song and war cries.  But I often wonder are we deserving of that blessing?  What are we doing as a nation for God to want to bestow His blessing on us?  When I think of Christ words in the Beatitudes, the answer is not much.

I believe that as a nation and as a people if we truly want God’s blessings we have some dramatic changes to make.  We know what we need to do, the question is are we willing?

As always, RT

God called this morning….

God called this morning during church.  I know it was Him, because why else would anyone leave their phone on during worship unless they were expecting a call from God.  He didn’t call just once, but five times!  I know it had to be Him because any sensible person who had inadvertently left their phone on would have checked their’s and turned it off when the first one rang.  The sad thing is that I didn’t see anyone answering.  I don’t know about you, but if I received a cell phone call from heaven’s area code I would answer it. 

Or maybe not.  What would He be calling me for?  To check and see how my day was going?  No, that is usually what I call Him for, to complain about the way my day is going.  What if He was going to ask something of me?  What do I say?  I always pray, “let me do thy will Lord”, but what if he really wants me to do His will?  No wonder they didn’t answer their phones.

Will you answer God when He calls?  Because I think He is beeping in….

Excuse me, I need to take this call, RT.

Things I’ve learned working at Wal-Mart:

 Flatulence is not odoriferous in a walk-in freezer.  I don’t know the exact science behind it, but I assume that it has something to do with the slowing down of the methane molecules.  With that being said, I can only surmise that whoever claimed that his s- – t didn’t stink, was either an Eskimo or was standing in a walk-in freezer.

 

Bluetooth technology has great entertainment value.  If you have never witnessed a Bluetooth One Man Show, you are missing out on some fine entertainment…..  He was large, pushing a cart with one hand, swinging the other hand about violently in the air.  He was talking angrily and loudly as he approached.  “Another satisfied customer”, was my first thought.  However, as he came closer I saw it, the glowing little blue light on his ear.  I don’t know who he was talking to, but I am glad it wasn’t me.  Since that time I have learned to appreciate the performances so many Bluetooth users provide, unwittingly bringing thespian joy to an otherwise tedious venue.   

 

Pork butt isn’t really butt.  Who would have thought it?  In my tenure as an evening meat department associate, I have really come to know my cuts of meat.  Look out Dave!  The cut known as pork butt is actually from the top part of the shoulder.  A little misleading isn’t it?  What’s next; is a split pigs foot really a foot, is cow tongue really a tongue?  Please don’t tell all of those avid tailgaters and BBQ aficionados that what they are grillin/smokin isn’t butt, they get too much mileage out of it.

 

There is an art to frozen turkey bowling.  All you need are ten two-liter bottles of soda (brand name optional) and one 16 pound frozen tom; sounds simple doesn’t it?  Not so.  First of all frozen turkeys don’t roll very well, so it becomes more of a cross between bowling and shuffle board.  Another thing, did you know room temperature two-liter soda bottles when struck by a frozen turkey sliding at 48 mph will explode?  Well, they do if you were wondering. 

 

Pallet-jack racing is not an amateur sport.  Those yellow, hand-pulled pallet-jacks you see in every Wal-Mart are not just for moving heavy pallets of freight.  In skilled hands, they can become high speed scooter of sorts.  Stand on the forks facing the upright handle and move the handle right then left in a rhythmic sweeping motion.  Soon, with a little practice and God given ability, you will be gaining momentum.  Balance comes into play in while cornering and depth perception is critical when trying to maneuver between two pallets placed precariously close together.  Just a note here: helmets, wrist guards, and knee pads are available in the sporting goods department.

 

While this is not an inclusive list of what I’ve learned working at Wal-Mart, it is something to ponder…

 

As always, RT 

 

Blowing Smoke

Monday, February 4th, Governor Henry delivered his State of the State address to a joint session of the Legislature. By all appearances it was well received as it was interrupted over twenty times by applause.  With that being said, I would like to focus on two of his points that impact teachers and education:

1.  Governor Henry stated that he wanted to give teachers a pay increase averaging $1200.

2.  He further stated that he supported State Superintendent of Education Sandy Garrett’s proposal to add 5 instructional days to the school calendar.

Why wouldn’t this get applause?  All of this sounds great at first glance, but……

Let’s give teachers that $1200 pay raise, I know they deserve it and would appreciate it!  Only thing is when you combine that with 5 extra contract days it is no where near a $1200 raise.  Let’s take a look at the net affect of these two proposals on an average (some say above average) teacher’s salary.  You do the math: $36,500 divided by 181 contract days equals $201.66 per contract day.  Add 5 more days at $201.66 per contract day or $1008.30, subtract that from the $1200 “raise” and it is actually only a $191.70 pay raise.

Come on Governor Henry and Superintendent Garrett you can’t have it both ways.  Either give teachers a raise that includes compensation for the extra 5 days or don’t call it a raise.  Being asked to work 5 days without pay just doesn’t set right.  Maybe I am just arguing over semantics here, but it still smells like smoke!    

Love vs. Discipline

During my morning quiet time today I read the passage John 14: 15-19.  What struck me in my current state of mind was this: “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  In context Christ was promising the disciples the Holy Spirit, but today I thought about how that might apply to parents and their children as well as teachers and students.

Love is one of those  over and misused words in our society today.  Too often what we think is love turns out to simply be like or lust.  When I think of love I first think of God’s awesome benevolent love for us and my feeble attempt to give Him back the love He deserves.  Do you love anyone enough to sacrifice your own child?  God does.  Next, I think the deep, passionate, caring love I have for my wife and family.   Finally, I think of the love that I should have, but don’t always feel or display for my fellow sojourners on this rock.

Now, where am I going with all this?  Part of love is respect for the object of your passion.  Let’s apply this to the misuse of the word love.  A young man “loves” his first car.  (I actually have a friend of still owns his first car after 35 years.)  A part of the devotion to his car is seeing to the daily needs and maintenance of the vehicle, ie. oil changes, waxings,  and tune-ups.  He listens to the sound of the engine as he drives and attends to any indications of distress.  He freely gives of his time and money because he values what he loves.  Even though this is not “real” love some of the principles do transcend to the true actions of love.

This next questions really makes me question my Red Foreman approach to education and discipline:  If children are loved by and in turn love their parents; and if those children were taught to love/value education and those providing the education, would the crisis in our nations homes and public schools even be occuring?  It is very hard to even fantom anything but discipline when confronted by an angry, out of control, apathetic kid.  But what if that kid knew God’s love for them?  What if the child’s parent knew God’s love and was sharing it with their family?  What if that child knew healthy compassion for those around them? 

Love is forgiving and mistakes will be made, but I am willing to give it a try.  One person doing one little thing doesn’t make much of a difference.  But many people doing one little thing can effect eternity. 

Love ya, RT